his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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