what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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