You really coming over, don't trick.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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