The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
