god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
