so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
