I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize