you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
