you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize