You work out of a Hotel?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
