So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
