I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
