He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Shame is for Republicans.
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