I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
