somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Fuck appropriateness.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize