We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
