Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize