Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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