the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
false alarm. still invincible.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
