Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
