i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
