sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
