i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
