She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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