You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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