I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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