Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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