I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
