At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
