At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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