What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
