I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
