everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
