Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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