I need to stop coming to work sober
only if we run a train.
done.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
