I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
