This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
