Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
