U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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