the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
