I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
