btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
