I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
