I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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