they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
