If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
