I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
