you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
