After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
