Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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