Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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