margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
