Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
