glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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