hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize