When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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