Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think I died a long time ago.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
