he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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