I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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