why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize