Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
