we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
