We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
