her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
