I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
