there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
