You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
