wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
