I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
