Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I stole a fireplace last night.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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