A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
