id be glad to
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
