I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
