You can't special order awesome
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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