I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
