She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
