so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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