I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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