It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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