why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
