what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
