Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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