Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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