Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
