The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
honey bunches of taint.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
