So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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