I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How's work?
Spinning.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
