just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
