Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize