I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
