There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
