Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
