I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize