I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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