I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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