I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Holy shit dude........stairs
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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