those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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